‘I get a rush when I “lose” the things’: New mom gets treated like trash by mother-in-law, so she secretly donates every baby gift her MIL gives

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Jul 22, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Need a quick and easy way to stick-it to your mother-in-law? Well, here ya go!

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  • It's already not easy becoming a new mother. But having to be a new mother with a mother-in-law who treats you like garbage is the worst. Unfortunately, that seems to happen quite often. Many women (and men) flock to Reddit to anonymously rant about their monster-in-law. It would appear that many people out there are battling it out with who is the matriarch of the home.

     Well, you don't want to be mean and you don't want your evil MIL turning you into a toxic wife, mother, or person in general. But you need to stick it to them somehow, regain your power. What do you do? This woman on Reddit found a way that is somewhat innocent and totally rewarding. She says she's found donating all the gifts her MIL brings for her child to be empowering. The internet seems to agree and is encouraging her to keep doing so! What would you do in a situation like this?

  • 01
    "In a weird way it feels like I'm reclaiming my power..."
    via pickpik
  • 02
    I enjoy throwing out things MIL buys for my baby Before anyone jumps down my throat, I donate everything to Goodwill and/or one of our city's women's shelters. I have posts up that offer more insight to the relationship with my MIL, but the short version is the woman can't stand me and acts as if I'm nothing more than the human incubator that stole her son.
    via LabFar6076
  • 03
    Maybe I'm just spiteful, but the fact that this woman has any kind of relationship with my child makes my skin crawl. I don't understand how someone who can be so manipulative, calculated, and vindictive to me could. ever truly love what I birthed. (Which would beg the question, WHY are they in our lives and that is DH's choice as long as they continue to somewhat "behave").
    via LabFar6076
  • 04
    I can't get past how MIL made my entire pregnancy about herself and acts as if I birthed the "daughter she never had". Luckily we live far away, so I don't have to deal with MIL in person very often. I've started to ramble so let me get to the point:
    via LabFar6076
  • 05
    LO is 6 months old, so it's not like she'll notice anything I'm getting rid of lol. For some reason I get almost a rush when I "lose" things MIL gifted LO. Perhaps it's because all of her "gifts" come with strings attached... like the outfit she mailed us that she expected us to use as LO's going home outfit from the hospital, or the book she had custom made while I was pregnant so the character looked like what she hoped LO would look like (had all MIL's features and unfortunately for her LO ca
    via LabFar6076
  • 06
    the baby soap she sent that "worked for her kids" even after I told her LO has horrible eczema which means no dyes or fragrance (because of course, what do I know?). In a weird way it feels like I'm reclaiming my power. It sounds so ridiculous but it's almost as if by getting rid of the things MIL sends I'm able to chip away at the mountain of resentment I have for that woman. In my mind MIL just wants LO to herself and wants to take away my motherhood. This helps.
    via LabFar6076
  • 07
    Cheese Dinosaur 2h ago My ex MiL would buy my child the most hideous clothing that I would never put on my child; little shiny track suits, cheap trainers, logo t- shirts... So I would put them on him when she had him and then give them away! Though I do admit to actually taking one particularly ugly track suit out of the bag and putting it straight in the bin! ◇ Vote Reply Sha
    via Cheese_Dinosaur
  • 08
    EmpressStrategie • 4h ago Delighted for you! Keep up with the shiny spine, reclaim ALL your power. Also you're setting a good example for your LO on having and maintaining personal boundaries and power. ✰ Vote Vote Reply Sha
    via EmpressStrategie
  • 09
    suchatrashthrowaway • 4h ago Every time my MIL either visits or has extended (unwanted) stays, she "gifts" us so much . And it's useless. A few months ago, I purged our hall closet and found so much she gave us: bed sheets for twin size mattresses, a bed size we don't even own, bulk fabric clearance from Joann. I threw it all away. I felt so good.
    via suchatrashthrowaway
  • 10
    Last month, she bought decorations for my baby shower I'm having in October. That she's not even planning or apart of planning because I don't trust her or her ideas. She also is jobless and had no business of spending 30+ dollars, so I kindly accepted and appreciated it, kept a few items that came from the dollar store but shoved them in my office closet of no return. I plan on making sure one or two items are displayed but everything else is staying in the closet. It doesn't match the theme at
    via suchatrashthrowaway
  • 11
    Bethsmom05 • 5h ago It doesn't sound ridiculous. What you're doing is so much healthier than keeping the gift. I hope your husband will realize what your MIL is actually doing when she gives those "gifts". Vote Reply ✓ Sha
    via Bethsmom05
  • 12
    Existing_Sir9124 • 5h ago How I feel when MILs sister wouldn't stop giving us garbage from free Facebook groups!! She got me a used breast pump and it still had dried milk in it I donate what is still able to be used but most of it is a bio hazard Vote Reply ✓ Sha
    via Existing_Sir9124
  • 13
    Ordinary-Scarcity274 5h ago It's less wasteful if you donate to a good cause at least. I get a thrill from these sort of small power reclaims as well. We don't allow any sort of photos of baby online and it gives me satisfaction to know that it just eats my MIL up that she can't share pics on Facebook. I'm not saying it's right, but it's all the win I have some days Vote Reply Sha
    via Ordinary-Scarcity274
  • 14
    FLSunGarden 8h ago • I would also enjoy letting her know "on accident" that things were donated. If she asks about something, to me that would be an invitation. MIL: "Did the soap work?" OP: "Oh, no. I had to donate that because it had perfume and dyes." Or.... MIL: "please send a picture of her in the outfit I sent." OP: "Oh I had to donate that..as the snap broke during the first wash." But I'm petty like that. Vote Reply Sha
    via FLSunGarden
  • 15
    U_Wont_Remember_Me 15h ago • The gifts aren't for LO but for herself: almost like when serial killers keep mementos of their victims. I'm doing a purge now of anything that MIL insisted that we had to have. It feels cathartic too. I'm pushing her back into her place rather than her overtaking mine (my position in DHs life as opposed to hers). ◇ Vote Reply Sha
    via You_Wont_Remember_Me
  • 16
    Rainy_Monday_Feeling . 12h ago I find it therapeutic to get rid of stuff from my MIL. I hate having stuff around my house that makes me think of her. Most of the baby clothes had "grandma" or "dad" sayings and never any mom ones (felt like it solidified that she didn't value me as the baby's mother). She gifts the kids toys and stuff of characters she thinks they like instead of listening to their interests. I have online
    via Rainy_Monday_Feeling
  • 17
    wishlists (mostly for ideas and suggestions) she's been sent and she never even looked at it and only buys what she thinks they need. She tried to tell me that I'm not allowed to buy my kids clothes because that's her job as a grandma. Yet she buys the wrong season and sizes. So I donate a majority of her gifts. For a while I felt wasteful and guilty every time I bought my kids something because I had a hoard of stuff from MIL. I realized if I purged the hoard, it made space for things me and my
    via Rainy_Monday_Feeling
  • 18
    Treehousehunter 7h ago I used clothes I didn't like for messy moments and then put the stained items on when MIL visited ↑ Vote Reply ✓ Sha
    via Treehousehunter
  • 19
    Daffodil Smith • 14h ago Daffodil_Smith The stuff my MIL gave me for my kids were always the wrong size despite telling her what size to get and or clothing no baby should be wearing because it's inappropriate for their age. Needless to say all the clothes Ishe gave me I left at her house when we moved out. I only ever thrown 1 item away she gave me and that is because it was old, raggedy and she got it from some random old lady at her job.
    via Daffodil_Smith
  • 20
    Not to mention, it was also very ugly and very very dated. I don't mind 2nd hand clothes, not at all, but I do not want 2nd hand clothing that is 2 washes away from being a rag and very scruffy fabric. And did I me tion it was ugly? I don't have anything in my house that she bought or gave to us. Maybe I am weird but I just don't want the energy of someone who hates my guts in my place of peace. Vote Reply ✓ Sha
    via Daffodil_Smith
  • 21
    DarkSquirrel20 • 9h ago Hahaha we have a big clear tote that we put donation items in and when it gets full we take all the stuff to a local donation place. On the rare occasions MIL comes over we have to hide it because there's usually a bunch of stuff she's given us in there. ✰ Vote ⇓ Reply ✓ Sha
    via DarkSquirrel20

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